TIFU by letting a delirious woman into my house thinking she had heat stroke. She was a mental patient from the hospital who proceeded to sit on my sofa and masturbate

This happened yesterday in the UK while we are going through the hottest heatwave on record. It’s 4PM and I’m minding my own business in my back garden tidying my shed when i hear somebody trying to get into my back gate. I peek through the gap to see an elderly woman looking very hot and distressed, she notices me and starts shouting please help me, please help me. I can’t open the gate, so I tell her to go to the front door. I ran through the house and told her to come in and take a seat while I get her a glass of water. She’s mumbling gibberish and rocking back and forth. Tells me she is lost. I suspected she had heat stroke and was suffering from delirium and exhaustion. Poor woman, thank god I saved her.

I pop upstairs to get a damp towel and the fan. When I return I find the woman sitting on my sofa, smoking a cigarette, masturbating. Great.

“You can’t do that” I yell in bemusement but she carries on, telling me how nice it feels. “Can you lick my clitoris?” she asks, to which I said no way and she needs to leave. “Do you have a dog?” I see my chance to get her out of the house. “Yes I have a dog, come with me” and I managed to get her up and out into the garden.

She collapses onto the floor. Making gagging noises, telling me she’s going to die, still with her hand between her legs. It is 40 degrees and I myself am struggling to be fair, so I know she will be in trouble if I don’t get her out of the heat.

I call 999, they take 5 minutes to answer, and eventually they tell me there are no ambulances. “Is she breathing… is she conscious… OK then, if she passes out, put her in the discovery position and fan her, then call us back and we will try to hurry up.”

She keeps asking for the dog and that she wants us both to make love to her. When I try to move her into the house she keeps grabbing me and trying to kiss me. What the hell am I going to do?
The hospital is a 5 minute walk, so I make the decision to get her there by carrying her or she is going to die from heat stroke. So I tell her I know a really nice dog across the road and I’m going to take her to it. Her eyes light up and she heads with me out of the garden.

I get her to put her leggings on and begin to walk to the hospital while being sexually assaulted the whole way. 999 rings me back and I tell them the plan. The closest door is the ear and throat department or something like that, so I carry her in there where there is air conditioning and sit her down. I shout for help and a nurse appears, she fetches some water and I leave her in their capable hands. They all seemed to know who she was and apparently she had been on the mental ward. As I walk out she yells “Where is this dog to lick my clitoris??” The nurses look puzzled, I shrug my shoulders and walk out.

I return home, lock all the doors and gates, and have a shower to wash the woman’s sweat and fanny juice off me. I’ve not seen her today, hope she is feeling better.

If the mods so wish I can verify the story with video evidence as my house has Nest cameras, but I won’t post these publicly for obvious reasons.

TLDR: I let a delirious woman into my house thinking she had heat stroke. She turned out to be a mental patient from the hospital who proceeded to masturbate on my sofa and sexually assault me

Edit 1: Gonna leave in the typo of recovery/discovery, I believe they call that a Freudian slip

Edit 2: Getting lots of requests, so here is a photo from my back garden cctv: [https://imgur.com/a/GtZG37Q](https://imgur.com/a/GtZG37Q) The inside video with sound is much better but will remain unshared, sorry.

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